My sister has teasingly nicknamed me “Stories” because I have a story for everything. I blame the inner writer in me 😊. So here is my story for Chinese New Year.
A year ago, I spent Chinese New Year in a hospital in Cambodia because I had an asthma attack. I was new to living in Cambodia, and my body had not yet adjusted to the pollution. It was also the weekend I fell in love with my abuser.
He had been a mixture of good and bad to me since I arrived in Cambodia. We were friends but I stayed away from him because of his insults, criticisms, condemnation, belittling, and his attempts to control EVERYTHING about me. On the other hand, he helped me settle into Cambodia, showed me around, helped me scout for jobs, introduced me to people, shared his apartment with me, cooked for me, and looked out for my safety and best interests in a country I was new to; a country that he was already fully acclimatized to. I believed in what seemed like his good intentions to help me as a newcomer, while I felt very uncomfortable around his judgmental and controlling nature. But the weekend I lay in hospital, he won me over completely with his good act.
He was an opportunist who used my time in hospital to be my knight in shining armour. He sat with me for hours in hospital and made sure I had everything I needed… food, etc. I thought he was the kindest and most caring man to give up his holiday to take care of me in an unpleasant, hot and smelly hospital. I had not asked for his help, and told him to go enjoy his day off, but he insisted on being with me. It was the turning point in my view of him, where I chose to overlook the red flags and trust him.
Little did I know that months later, after getting dangerously close to him, he would be the one to put me in hospital – killing our unborn baby and nearly killing me. So here I am a year later, after falling in love, being abused and losing my baby. I am physically fine but emotionally traumatized. However, the new year looks hopeful…
I am on the road to recovery, and though nothing will ever take away the pain of losing my baby, I feel that God is healing me and growing me from this ordeal. Today I am relaxing safely at my new home in Taiwan, after an amazing holiday in Malaysia. What a contrast to last year, where I lay sick in a dirty hospital bed with a covert narcissistic psychopath beside me.
So though it may not be my happiest new year, it sure beats last year, and I am looking forward to a better future. I am thankful to God for protecting me and bringing me into a new year. God’s goodness, grace and sovereignty carries me through every pain, persecution and hardship I encounter in life.
So this story is actually not about Chinese New Year. It is not about me, my abuser, my baby or my experience either. Actually, it is about GOD, and how wonderful He is. He is faithful. Faithful in His provision for us, and faithful in His protection over us. Faithful to forgive us, and faithful to love us. Glory to God for His endless love and mercy.
“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”